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"I know my cock's always in the
custard for saying Bongo Land,
or something" - Godfrey Bloom
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POPBITCH           _     _ _       _
 _ __   ___  _ __ __ (_) _ ___ __
'_ \ / _ \ '_ \ '_ \ __/ __ '_ \
_) (_) _) _) (__
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_         _ 24.04.14 ISSUE 687
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To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com

* Scope or grope, Mr Keitel?
* The Slappertons are back!
* Charts: Mr Probz is no 1
------------------------------------------


       >> Nice reception <<
       Doing it for the digs

    The producer of a big British daytime
    talk show surveyed a group of guests
    about why they had chosen to go on
    telly to talk about their personal
    problems. What do you think the most
    common answer was?

    To give their issues a wide, public
    platform? To generate debate or help
    others in the same position? To get
    the sort of expert advice that only
    TV money can buy? Erm, no. The most
    popular answer given was: "To stay
    in a nice hotel"

    Which becomes even more poignant
    when you learn that the producer
    revealed the 'nice hotel' they
    book guests into is a Travelodge.


------------------------------------------
When given the 'scope or grope?' option
at US airport security earlier this week,
Harvey Keitel opted for the grope.
------------------------------------------


        >> PR 101 <<
        The young and the dumb

    You're a teenage film-maker who
    has made a violent movie where
    loads of people get murdered.

    How can you get some press coverage
    for it? Well, calling it Hunger Ford
    might bring it some red-top
    attention...


------------------------------------------
Marco Pierre White was having lunch with
a friend last week in Randall and Aubin -
they played spoof for who settled the
bill. Marco won.
------------------------------------------


        >> Big Questions <<
        Who's asking what this week

    Which Premier League title-chasing
    football star has sold his credit
    facility with an elite betting firm
    to a "whale"? The professional
    gambler has been so successful
    that he can't get his biggest
    bets placed, so has got the star
    to front it for him (in return
    for a nice fee, naturally...)
    Let's see him try to defend that
    one if the bookies find out.


------------------------------------------
Coke own the domains ahh.com, ahhh.com and
every one after that up to, and including,
'a' followed by sixty-two 'h's.
------------------------------------------


        >> All Spice <<
        The beef that just won't die

GR writes:
    "Caught All Saints' comeback
    performance at G-A-Y. It was a
    great show. However, as soon
    as they exited the stage, the
    organisers played, with the
    volume cranked right up, the
    song Who Do You Think You Are?
    by the Spice Girls.

    "Cruel, very cruel!"


******************************************
Get top price tickets for LET THE RIGHT
ONE IN for only 19.50. Call 0844 412 4658
and quote "Popbitch Save 20GBP offer"
or use promo code POPBITCH20 at:
http://bit.ly/1hnhK22
******************************************


        >> Footing the bill <<
        Can Glen Johnson save Pompey?

    It's not only Liverpool who may get
    a good payout from their sponsors
    if they top the Premiership, as we
    reported last week. When Portsmouth
    sold Glen Johnson to Liverpool it
    was in written in his contract that
    if Liverpool win the Premiership
    with Glen playing for them, Pompey
    would get another million pounds.


------------------------------------------
Popular on the Game of Thrones set:
Nikolaj Coster Waldu (Jamie Lannister)
Not popular on the Game of Thrones set:
Natalie Dormer (Margaery Tyrell),
"she's a right bitch."
------------------------------------------


        >> Chicken cottage <<
        Fowl behaviour in London saunas

bad_horsey writes:
    "Canny visitors to saunas in public
    baths have frequently smuggled in
    bags of ice to wrap around the
    thermostat and thus raise the
    temperature to proper Scandinavian
    levels. This was recently brought
    to the attention of the staff at
    a leisure centre in Lewisham. When
    they investigated however, they
    found two men doing something a
    little bit unexpected.

    "Namely, cooking chicken breasts
    on the sauna's heater."


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Rubberbandits are doing their excellent
new show Continental Fistfight in that
big purple cow on the Southbank, May 10th
at 7.45pm. Very special Popbitch price:
10GBP for 15GBP ticket. Code is YOKES.
http://www.underbelly.co.uk/rubberbandits
******************************************


        >> Hmms <<
        Cats, beezin, Skrillex

    Have internet cats had their day?
http://kck.st/1lI4Xqs

    Forget sniffing glue and smoking
    banana skins. The kids are all
    beezin' nowadays:
http://elitedai.ly/1jSO9vR

    Ever wondered what would happen
    if a PR guru was convicted and
    decided to go kamikaze?
http://bit.ly/1ihMOSi

    While we await the Clifford
    jury's decision:
http://bit.ly/1iPDG6g

    All the drops on Skrillex's
    new album, charted for your
    convenience:
http://bit.ly/1nIg8AJ

    Lights! Camera! Tax Shun!
    How film-based tax dodges
    actually work:
http://bit.ly/1fa3U43

    Why did the last Muppets movie
    get such mixed reviews?
http://bit.ly/1gT68Qz

    Issue 2 of the Popbitch Magazine
    is available to download NOW.
    All exclusive content:
http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y


******************************************
2nd London Labour Film Festival at Odeon
Covent Garden 28 Apr-2 May. Win 2 x pairs
festival passes/T-shirts by answering
this simple question: "Kinky Boots actor
Chiwetel Ejiofor also stars in which film
that won this year's Best Film Oscar?"
Email info@londonlabourfilmfest.com by
midnight Fri 26 April. Films/info/tickets:
http://londonlabourfilmfest.com/
******************************************



        >> Stuff about Popbitch <<

* Email us stories, gossip, otter pics:
hello@popbitch.com

* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:
http://www.popbitch.com

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Mail by aysabtu


*******************************************
Thanks to: bad_horsey, deep_stoat, monstris
theabominablehoman, GR, JA, LEW
*******************************************


Old Jokes Home:
David Moyes is in talks to take up
a role at UKIP. They're looking for
an expert to get them out of Europe.


Still Bored:
Wedding narcissism. For hire.
(Come back to us when you've
done the Human Centipede...)
http://bit.ly/1ft4kxn